We’ve always been leery of the boring, idiotic world of Josh Ozersky (and the numerous incarnations of his online bullshit), but a video segment from The Soup was difficult to resist. As you might expect, Ozersky— a "clueless, overbloated, publicist-indentured, sycophant[ic]" blogger— was in fact pilloried by No Reservations (and subsequently, The Soup), a cringe-inducing event publicized by Ozersky’s food blogger peers and former colleagues. (All of Ozersky’s blog entries read like interminable clueless, overbloated, publicist-indentured, sycophantic pontifications tapped out by the jittery, chubby fingers of a man who can’t wait to get his hands on his next donut-bacon-cheeseburger). We include it here entirely for purposes of education: Remember, if you’re a trite, pathetic, snooze-inducing dweebshit, don’t go on national television.
Underground parties land cool new Nolita club Kenmare in hot water [the Daily News]
"New A-list hot spot Kenmare wound up in hot water after State Liquor Authority officials read about underground parties there in the gossip pages, the Daily News has learned… But that’s not how the owners of Kenmare portrayed the spot to the State Liquor Authority when it was granted a liquor license in early February… ‘We are paying close attention to them,’ said SLA Deputy Chief Executive Officer Michael Jones. ‘They are supposed to be operating as a restaurant.’ …Kenmare could face penalties as severe as losing its liquor license."
Huh. Is that right?
Well, hmm— what was that you said again, Gawker? Something about our original breaking coverage on the transformation of the former Civetta being "not true," right after you misquoted us and incorrectly paraphrased our bulletin?
Oh but wait, we do admit perhaps we were somewhat remiss when we later mused, "…what does ‘the new Beatrice’ even mean?" and subsequently suggested you were "narrow-minded, short-sighted… ignorant" and "asinine" for creating such a nonsensical description of Kenmare née Civetta in the first place.
I guess we should apologize. We kinda totally ‘get it’ now.
Gee, it looks like Kenmare may very well be "the new Beatrice" after all.
**See also (earlier):
• Civetta Closing – "New Concept" to Come
Fashion Week is over? OMG, did I sleep through it completely?! Goddammit.
OK, so I’m a little late – shoot me. (Or pay me to blog, so I’m more punctual. Whichever!) In any case, I was supposed to post this awesome excerpt from PX This – The Revised Edition. Coming soon in the Spring of 2010
[*warning: Eats, Shoots and Ladders Leaves freaks please CLICK HERE and HERE before reading any further. then take that favorite book of yours and stick it up your ass. thank you!]
FRIDAY, OCTOBER 17, 2003. 7:01AM
… ann-demeulmeester looked taken aback, perhaps she was surprised i speak english. the assistant looked totally amused though, she snickered in her nostrils and everything.
oh but the highlight of the trip! was azzedine-alaïa again this time he fed us omelettes and salad. he is sooo cute i just want to scrunch him up and swallow him like a dumpling.
marc told mr.alaïa i made my long chocolate geld-iaz wool halter mock wrap dress— which, by the way, was so smokin, caroline the head big cheese for alaïa and some other random buyer-lady there inquired how they could buy it. and mr.alaïa flashed me a BIG SMILE and said: “ohhh ah-beeee! tres biennnn!” i tell you i could have dropped dead ecstatic right there.
then the next big highlight! was marc and i going to the RitzCarlton to meet some fancy Lady-ofSomeplace from england she was phoning and leaving messages for marc all week long asking to meet him we have no idea why.
so marc and i get there and she and her super cute 20something daughter are sitting having afternoon tea with some dude he was very sweet and funny he made jokes about KFC and krispy-creme how he can’t live without them and how he “owns one of each” because he has given them so much money.
the next thing you know he is saying oh! he is a shop owner too just like marc! he has a little boutique in london ahah haha ahahaa “have you heard of Harrods?” he asks. i mean can you fucking imagine. then here comes the maiterdee with business cards for him and the shop owner dude hands one to marc as he is scolding him for not staying at theRitz.
it was MOHAMED AL FAYED.
i mean. when did life become like this exactly can i ask you
mr.al-fayed touched me warmly on the shoulder as he stood up to leave so i concentrated really hard to suck all his luck if he suddenly gets hits by a speeding bus you’ll know why.
see. things like this you can tell peoples and i think they just wouldn’t believe you ahahahaha imagine me dropping this story on the piglets.
finally last but not least was big highlight#3 marc and i went to a dinner with the big willies from Valentino. it was at Davé and i actually got to meet davé he is the restaurateur that was in isaac-mizrahi’s Unzipped in the scene where isaac is chillin with galliano and leon.talley and they are mocking on donna-karan.
anyhoo so graziano the president of ValentinoUSA was a gigantic sweetie pie and he was in looove with me he admired my dress and told me i am “beautiful” and “elegant!” okay can we back up for a second i said the PRESIDENT of VALENTINO admired my dress. all the way from the other end of the table he halted ALL CONVERSATION to say “i’m sorry but i just haaave to ask who makes your dress?”
by the way i had the seat right next to the new head designer of Valentino he was a cutie face his name is damiano (“dum YAHno”). see i do not even know their last names. how is it even comprehensible i am on a first name basis only with a president and head designer of Valentino? i told damiano how azzedine-alaïa complimented that very same dress and if that was not the moment to be feelin oneself i tell you maybe there never is.
the only thing that ruined it was Chicken, Ferret’s wife…
***For more on this story, read PX This – The Revised Edition and PX This Too – Coming soon in the Spring of 2010***
"eew, that’s gabriel-snyder" [UPDATE]
Right now, most of you are likely asking, "Who the hell is Gabriel Snyder?" Well, let me remind you!
Gabriel Snyder is the former managing editor of a website called Gawker. As you may or may not realize, PX This has a long, long, sordid history with Gawker. Well, to make a lengthy story short: Our founder, Abbe Diaz, was once a fan of Gawker. She was an early advertiser with them, a longtime avid, insightful "commenter" and even the subject of several of Gawker’s blog posts. Then one day, Gabriel Snyder effectively censored Abbe Diaz’s opinion by "banning" her without just cause or valid explanation, in a manner contrary and hypocritical to Gawker’s ostensible comment/discussion system.
This just in: Gabriel Snyder has been replaced as managing editor of Gawker.
I know what you’re thinking – "That’s so interesting, Dick Johnson! You’re so awesome!" [Thank you!]
But, you’re also thinking, "Really, though, who gives a shit about that dweeb? We actually don’t really care."
Yes, I know, I see your point. But, there is another point I wanted to make:
See the "[UPDATE]" in the title of this post up top?
Well, that’s how you do an update, you fucking scumbags.
For more on this story, please read PX This Too – Coming in the Spring of 2010
Lately, it has come to our attention that the link to the original “Good Night, Mr. Lewis” story on Abbe Diaz is permanently defunct, possibly due to Steve Lewis’s defection last year from Joonbug to BlackBook magazine. Due to popular demand, we hereby re-create the entire article but, for the sake of clarity, verity and comprehension, have taken the liberty of editing those portions in which the original was remiss (a copy of the article in its original un-edited state is currently hosted here).
Abbe Diaz: Talk Loudly And Carry A Big Stick…Too (Part Three)
Over the past two days I’ve spoken with Abbe Diaz (see part one and part two). Continue after the jump for the third and final part of my conversation with Abbe.
Steve Lewis: Did you miss me?
Abbe Diaz: Of course, I miss you everyday. Well not anymore, cuz now I can read all about you. That Down by the Hipster thing was so funny.
SL: Did you see what I wrote.
AD: I did.
SL: No, you didn’t, you saw what he made me write. I’m a mellow guy now. Josh was right, I took the high road. It did make me laugh. My girl teased me about it.
AD: Oh, you have it light. If you had any clue what people say about me, to me, at me.
SL: So you were talking about what people say about you. Tell me why anybody would attack you?
AD: Good fucking question.
OK, honestly I know the answer; it’s just a snowball thing.
SL: You attacked the powers that be. If you attack someone in his castle he will throw stones down upon you forever.
AD: Maybe.
SL: OK, you tell me, why? Why are you being attacked?
AD: I sort of narrowed it down to episodes here and there. They do snowball. It’s very small communities, these writer— blogger— shitheads.
JoonBug: People like Gawker and Eater.
AD: What happens is one of them says something bullshittish and I’m supposed to be like "Whatever." But, I’m not— I’m like, "Fuck you."
SL: Eater is this big website; Ben Leventhal is the guy’s name.
AD: Giant Ass. Apparently from what I gather there are a couple of partners. One guy is cool, he’s totally cool, but the other one, what is his problem?
SL: Good Cop, Bad Cop?
AD: No, he’s just an ass.
SL: What I meant was sometimes in business one guy’s really nice and one guy’s a real asshole, and the good guy can always say, "Hey, I’d love to do it, but my partner won’t." That’s good cop, bad cop. Maybe Ben is the bad cop in their relationship.
AD: Mmm… you know it’s kind of a misunderstanding, but not really a misunderstanding. I launched the forum on like March 14th, and the following day there was some stuff about some restaurant. It just so happened that that chef of that restaurant wants to come to the industry forum— and that’s what it’s there for— and vent, you know, about some shit. So that’s fine, vent— but it just so happened that she was venting about the man I’m dating. Check that shit out, isn’t that crazy? That’s like cosmic freakiness. So she goes and she spouts blah blah blah. Now just picture it, someone comes on your blog to your little comment section and says nasty things about your girlfriend. Wouldn’t you be upset?
SL: Not me, ‘cause I know my girl. She’s 5’11” and she will knock the motherfucker out.
AD: But he won’t knock someone out, that’s the problem, he’s a lover not a fighter… Then of course this whole thing gets blown up all out of proportion and it gets found out that that chef is friends with Ben Leventhal…
…What he does [with Eater] now, I don’t agree with… what we do is different, I don’t have ads on my site, I’m not a business, I am a "blog" in the purest sense. I don’t make any money on it, so if I use my blog as my voice then hey, that’s what it’s there for. But, he uses this supposedly objective website for his own personal agenda, and to me there’s just something not quite right about that. Or if you are going to do that at least have the balls to put it right out there and sign your name to it.
SL: I’m going to disagree with you. I say a blog is your personal agenda.
AD: OK, some. In yours, in mine.
SL: I’m saying, just because they’re making money at it doesn’t mean that they can’t have a personal agenda too.
AD: OK, that’s fine. Then be honest about it. Say, look, this is my problem, I don’t like you cuz such and such said this about so and so, and that person’s my friend.
SL: But, that’s your job, because you’re the one who exposes these things. Down By The Hipster, they’re the ones who are exposing these things. Guys like me, I don’t really expose too much, I try not to gossip. You can do it, you can bang back at him. Why don’t you bang back at him?
AD: Oh, I do. But that’s what so annoying— cuz it’s like he doesn’t just attack me, he attacks the people and the places and the events around me, which is not right. You don’t go and fuck with innocent people’s shit just because you have a fucking problem… Watch, I’m going to take so much shit for this. I know it.
SL: Well do you want us to print this or not?
AD: Oh I don’t know. On the one hand I don’t care, on the other hand, I’m so tired of this nonsense.
SL: Let me tell you something about you. I think you’re hot, I think you’re a beautiful girl. But, the hottest thing about Abbe Diaz is she’s got balls and she’s got brains and she’s never going to take shit.
AD: Who would? If somebody gets all in your shit, who’s gonna be like, "Eh."
SL: Most of the world, Abbe. Most of the world takes shit from other people. You get out there and write a book, that’s why you’re controversial because you don’t take shit. The rest of the world takes shit. I don’t take shit too much, well much more than I used to…
AD: I don’t think people take shit, I just think that they’re not up front about not taking their shit. What’s it called? Passive aggressive.
SL: But you get in people’s faces.
AD: You know— look, if someone attacks you, you’re going to slap them back, right across the face. That’s the part that I don’t understand— cuz, like— me, I slap back and they go, "Oh my god, we totally started it, but can you believe she slapped us back?! She’s awful, what a bitch crazy nut job."
SL: Abbe, you are a fighter, and that’s why you’re relevant and that’s why I’m interviewing you today.
AD: But you watch, mark my words. You’ve been doing so well and who’s this kid, the one on Gawker that likes you so much, Hamilton Nolan.
SL: I don’t know.
AD: He’s fucking in love with you. And then I’ve seen you on Grub Street, Josh Ozersky, whatever, I guess he kinda likes you too. Guaranteed, mark my words, this interview will never hit either one of those blogs. This interview, no fucking way.
SL: Because they don’t like you so therefore you’re irrelevant, is that what you’re saying? Look, if you said something Ghandi-esque, or incredibly beautiful, earth shattering, you don’t think it would appear anywhere?
AD: Are you joking? Totally… Josh Stein, that jerk face, do you know who that is?
JoonBug: No.
AD: He used to write for Gawker, and now he does cameos covering that Top Chef thing. He said the most awful thing about me with a full on post with my picture and everything, and all of it was untrue. So, I turn around and I’m like you mother fucker, none of that is true. Even New York magazine’s Grub Street proved him wrong.
SL: So you got your point across using your blog and your side was told.
AD: Basically, I guess. But then, essentially as an answer to what he said, I pulled out this beautiful Gabriel Garcia Marquez quote— do you ever think it saw the light of day? They should have retracted or updated or something.
SL: Now what did you do?
AD: They accused me of being another anonymous blogger… It turns out we’re friendly now, because it was just such a hilarious thing. So they accused me of being her, and it was flat out proven that that blogger was not me. In fact, her story is ten times more interesting than mine, she’s like the "three million dollar bartender" from Boston, you know.
SL: What is a three million dollar bartender?
AD: She got a three million dollar tip to go open her own place.
SL: She must have made a great drink.
AD: Ha haa, I ain’t going there… She’s a friend of mine, sorry… So they accused me of being that blogger, because she was blogging some hilarious things about some people. So they were like, "there goes bashit crazy Abbe Diaz again…" But then when it comes out in the open that it’s not me, you think they would be like, "My bad, it wasn’t Abbe Diaz after all," wouldn’t you?
SL: It’s not like the papers, which is a slower medium, this blog stuff moves fast.
AD: All they would have to do, like they do with so many other stories, is update. An "update" is a very standard thing for bloggers to do.
SL: Well let’s update it right now. Oh, I guess we did we just did.
AD: Do you really think this is going to be on Gawker tomorrow? No way! This is my point, my simple point. Your question, "What if I were to say something beautiful?" — Well, this is a prime example, I did say something beautiful— I was using somebody else’s words, but I was so proud of myself on that rebuttal, I was patting myself on the back. Did anyone ever see it? On my blog, sure.
SL: Let me say something. Abbe you’re an incredible person. I sweat you. I think you’re the coolest. You are beautiful, dynamic, unbelievable, and I’m really glad my readers will get to know you.
AD: Thank you Steve Lewis. But, it’s all for naught. You’ll see.
…
I am a neophyte in this world of blogs. I did get my dander up a few times when something said about me seemed unfair. Maybe I haven’t gotten big enough here to be attacked as Abbe seems to be attacked. The blogosphere fascinates me. I come from a different place. You booked an act or party, you printed an invite, and you had all these kids standing on corners near clubs handing them out, and then that night you opened the doors, the people come, you had a party, and at the end of the night you counted the money. Rinse and repeat. There was a physical connect with the consumer through that flyer and there was time to think, as events were promoted at least a week in advance. Pauses could be taken for breaths, reflections, or even diversions. It’s so fast now. I write this, press the send button, and in an hour you read it. Text messaging redirects consumers from one club to another in the middle of the party. Cell phone calls and emails reach countless masses instantly. I get fifty invites a day to parties happening tonight, tomorrow or sometimes in an hour.
Silicon and plastic have created a distance between the club operator and the consumer. Even if you wanted to punch someone in the nose it would just be an image on MySpace or Facebook and the impact and satisfaction just wouldn’t be the same.
Good Night,
Mr. Lewis
Interview conducted and written by Steve Lewis.
Interview has been edited and condensed.
• Tuesday, December 1, 2009. 7:00PM – Manon von Gerkan, King, and Georgina Chapman at the Barely Private by Sante D’Orazio book signing event at Taschen in SoHo.
• Wednesday, November 25, 2009. 3:00PM – Ed Norton entering a townhouse on West 10th St.
• Tuesday, November 24, 2009. 2:30PM – Parker Posey, with little dog, exiting a residential building on Fifth Ave near Washington Square Park.
• Monday, November 30, 2009. 6:00PM – Sam Shepard exiting a residential building on Fifth Ave near Washington Square Park loaded down with shopping bags.
• Tuesday, November 25, 2009. 4:30PM – Sam Shepard picking up supplies at a delicatessen on University Place.
• Tuesday, November 24, 2009. 3:30PM – Willem Dafoe walking alone down 8th St in the Village trying to avoid eye contact with gaping starstruck fans.
• Monday, November 23, 2009. 7:30PM – Lois Freedman, sans broom and melodramatic temper tantrum, at Mermaid Oyster Bar.
MORE on Sevigny & Khan (& Civetta. Sort of.)
When we broke the story on Civetta’s closing, little did we realize it would become the *Nightlife Bloggers’ SAT on Reading Comprehension. Or maybe that’s more like the Jellus Bloggers’ SAT on Integrity and Pettiness? Whatever! We digress.
This just in from a tipster: "Did you see your old buddy Steve [Lewis]’s column today? Funny how Nur [Khan] supposedly denies working with Paul [Sevigny]… from what I hear, they maybe are looking into a space in SoHo together, and Brad Zipper is their money guy… I don’t know how (or if) he fits into Civetta, though."
Another source adds: "…I have seen Brad [Zipper] at Civetta a couple times — he does live around the corner and is quite friendly with the staff… but I wouldn’t say that he’s involved in Civetta…"
And yet a third ‘insider’ speculates: "If I had to make a semi-educated guess, I’d say it could be possible there are two deals in the works? If the so-called SoHo space with Zipper is a go, it might still be a ways off… the Civetta thing would be a way for them to start up now, get their feet wet, then move along to the next project once that’s in the swing of things…"
*By the way, what does "the new Beatrice" even mean? As far as we know, The Beatrice Inn is closed, indefinitely— just as we predicted (despite various uninformed opinions throughout the blogosphere contrary to our deduction). When Eric Goode & Co opened MK, did they call it "the new" Area? When Peter Gatien built Club USA, was it called "the new" Limelight? Hmm, perhaps they were— by those who were narrow-minded, shortsighted and ignorant.
The Beatrice Inn was the name of the space at 258 W 12th St, long before Matt Abramcyk and Paul Sevigny took over. For anyone to take that very same name and apply it to another location would, in short, be asinine.
Might we suggest pulling your head out of your navel for a change, and try some real erudition on for size. You might be amazed at what you can learn about reality and our industry if you just freed your hands from that circle jerk, and say (for example)— picked up a book every once in a while.
PX This presents THE F&F REVIEW
Hey, sorry we couldn’t make it to "Friends&Family," we were out of town/ had to work/ not invited. We’re really glad we finally managed to come by, though— it’s so nice to see you!
What’s that? You would still like Read more…
Here is Adam Wiercinski aka Adam Jamroz. He was employed as a part-time delivery person for over 20 years at Mangia corporation, where he recently attempted to defraud the company by twice filing fallacious lawsuits. The strategy for his attempted multi-million dollar extortion Read more…
• Urban Daddy does all you losers a favor by letting you know how you can finally get into theJane. Then the comments section of Down by the Hipster reminds you all again why it is exactly you are such a fucking bunch of losers. -Vanilla Ice
• Speaking of reminders, Joshua David Stein grabs another opportunity to exhibit how he is such a knowledgable and insidery genius, and that Abbe Diaz is just a "batshit crazy, angry, petty" person— by graciously informing you pretty much the exact same shit Abbe Diaz already told you. -Vanilla Ice
• Jennifer Aniston reports on Conan O’Brien that she wants to possibly maybe open a Mexican restaurant— because "usually a great night is had in a Mexican restaurant, no?" And also: "New York City needs a great [Mexican restaurant]."
OH SNAP! Ya hear that, La Esquina? All that hospitality you’ve been showing Jennifer (we’ve spotted her there with our very own eyes on two separate occasions, both times with John Mayer. And we hear she’s "there all the time") is only going to end up with her biting yer stilo and stealing your patrons, à la Graydon Carter and Ron Perelman.
So much for gratitude! -Vanilla Ice
• SPOTTED: Last week at BarPitti, all dining on the same evening— Tony Shafrazi (business), Carmen Kass (pleasure), and Mena Suvari (business/pleasure ?). Look out for the paparazzi pics of Mena Suvari somewhere (she was properly attired and bespackled for them) since the photogs were plentiful and relentless. (Carmen Kass they completely missed, however.)
• SPOTTED: Nightlife impresario Richie Akiva celebrating his birthday over Saturday (September 19th) brunch at Cercle Rouge— with three super-tall babes and one beefy bruiser in tow. And his little dog too.
Nobody sang for him (aww, booo!). And kudos to him for being the only at the table not too hungover and/or stoned to have to hide behind big bugeyed beblackened spectacles.
As they were departing after their meal, one model reprimanded Richie Akiva like his mom, "The waiter just said ‘Happy Birthday’ to you!" And Akiva retorted, "I said, ‘thank you’!"
Yes, he certainly did, and quite sweetly, too. So there.
• "Dear Joshua David Stein: Admit it already. You sweat me cuz I’m fieeerce. xoxo, Abbe -Vanilla Ice
• oh look, ashley-dupré has a new song. you can check it out here, if you’re so inclined.
personally, i thought the other two were better but whatever.
i’m vaguely aware peoples alls over the internets hate ashley-dupré cuz they have nothing better to do, but steve-lewis said she’s "one of us" so that makes her okay by me. i think all the outrage or whatever is kinda totally ridiculous, cuz if peoples had any IDEA, i think they would probably realize how pretty insipid they’re being. like for example, i know at least this one girl who used to be a very high paid supermodel that got photographed by bigshot famous photographers, and even she has decided to be an expensive haute call girl. so i can undoubtedly see how somebody like poor little young asley-dupré from suburban new jersey can hop on that bandwagon too.
i’m just sayin. - abbe
• oh right (!) — cue all the "abbe diaz is a whore and fucked a bunch of B-list celebs" shit! whatever. keep up the libel, mutherfukkers. i may just decide to sue one day when you become rich (likely never) or i become bored (any minute now). check it: i’ll actually win that shit too! -abbe
• whoa wait a second. doesn’t ashley-dupre kinda look a little like julia-allison here? no seriously.
okay yah maybe a lot of you have no idea what i’m talking bout (?) so forget it never mind.
• John Lequizamo was spotted twice this week (because he’s a total stalker). First on 6th Ave and 4th St, buying cones for his kids form the softee truck, sporting a dark hipster teeshirt and black worn-in jeans. Looking sharp, papi-chulo!
Our next encounter found him bright and early in the AM having a business meeting over steaming joe at Jack’s Coffee on 10th St— talking loudly, honking louder, blowing his nose into his sweatshirt, and appearing just a tad overbloated in the face.
Looking like you just got dragged through the streets tied to the back of a Vespa, papi!
• There seems to be a slight disagreement on the estimation theBreslin will open "october first."
someone (in the comments section) says:
"they are not opening the 1st. they don’t even have a kitchen yet…
if you get invited to f&f, don’t forget to bring your wallet. and don’t accept the champagne offer, trust me. -(OK then!) Inkslinger
• Everybody is buzzing about the Boom Boom Room like busy little bees.
Oh noes! Some of the buzzing is coming from inside the house!!!! -Dick Johnson
a blogger (that’s me) and two restaurateurs walk into a bar…
… order some drinks (one of them likes "white wine with a few ice cubes." go figure.), get a little tipsy, and —what else?— start gossiping like a bunch of sewing bee bitches. it went down a little something like this:
one of them was late. personally i think he just completely forgot our appointment and hopped into a taxicab right when he got my text message. hey, it happens (quite a lot in NYC, actually). which was fine cuz i needed a drink anyways. it gave me some time to peruse my environs there in theAceHotel lobby. it’s pretty neat in that chic trendy modern retro modern whatever kind of way. and the waitress is really nice.
there are a lot of "locals" and familiar faces and whatnot, so i am assuming peoples are traveling a ways from wherever they live to get here which is pretty impressive. on the stroll over, a block away i started asking myself who the hells is coming out here to stay in a hotel, it’s ridiculous. well there ended up being a lot of people around so it just goes to show how much i know.
then the other restaurateur arrived so that was great. he’s very cute and jovial and he dresses like a little kid. we sat around and chitchatted about the hotel, and then he asked the waitress to bring out the funky little snacks in the plastic baggies. these are little goodie bags filled with stuffs made by april-bloomfield, like caramel corn and salted almonds and salt&vinegar chips…. and chiccharón (! puertochinos, holla). it’s a good idea because apparently the kitchen is behind schedule what with contractor issues and things, so it’s pretty smart to have at least something for bar patrons.
evidently a Stumptown Coffee place just opened here— which is a big deal apparently, it’s like some coffee cultists’ favorite from seattle or someplace. supposedly it’s quite busy already with lines at the door "at 6AM." so good for them.
subsequently that sparked this big discussion about coffee and whether or not LaColombe "is better."
then we started all the really good gossip and
wooo child. lemme tell you. harharaharrr ben-leventhal would kiss keith-mcnally’s jock strap to get a lick of the dish i got last night, honey.
sigh but you see this is my problem
when i first envisioned doing this blog feature "story" whatever thingie, i imagined it might be called "An Evening With: …" and then i just go out and about with all the really cool peoples i usually see, but now when they start to give me the usual "offff the record, abbbeeeee" bullshit i would just tell them to stick it up their asses this time.
obviously i am full of it, cuz i am not about to go spilling all the beans— it’s not stuff i know first hand so i’m not really sure how much of it is true or how much of it to believe anyhow. like for example, there was this one story about frank-bruni’s recent party at theSpottedPig, and supposedly there was some discourse about his former review process wherein frank-bruni called himself a consummate "professional" and HAHAHAHAHAA that one is just entirely too preposterous to swallow.
oh there was also some blabber about joshua.david-stein too. because he wrote something about something something "used to own Gusto" something (?), and i don’t know if that kid is just dumb as a rock or what.
oh! ohhh but the big news! i’m not going to say. nyeeah.
you wouldn’t believe me anyways, bceause everybody always just wants to believe what they want to believe. but haa ahaa believe me if i get so much as a sense of a whiff of an inkling i am about to get "scooped" or whatever, i will so bust that shit wide the fuck open (as usual, bitches)! so you may want to stay tuned just in case!
YAH SO
theBreslin is set to open probably "october first." it’s about 150 seats. it has a big open kitchen. it will have two bars— a large one (directly on the left if you enter from the street) that’s an antique "purchased in harlem." there will be a "bar rail" opposite with small tables lined down the center.
there’s a "grandfathered" mezzanine level as well, with a smaller (also antique) bar. there are refrigerated wine racks lining the wall, and there will be an "owner’s nook that looks down on everything" off in the corner at the end of the wine racks.
downstairs will be "banquettes banquettes more banquettes" and one (or two?) with "a curtain" cuz he "always wanted to do that."
the floor and (16 foot high, ornately molded) ceiling are "original."
and a "big round" table in the middle right in front of the kitchen.
i think it will end up looking quite beautiful. so the only thing the persistently pessimistic perfectionist in me can think to say is: i didn’t notice if there’s a built-in vestibule but i hope so cuz otherwise it looks like it could be potentially mad freezing up front in the wintertime.
i also got to meet the other restaurateur’s brother and a friend of his from london. they were nice.
yay!
• Here’s at least one benefit of the recession. According to a 25-year professional Waste Management veteran, the dramatic increase in businesses closing (and employees losing their jobs) has resulted in less waste. He approximates his routes alone collect about "20,000 less tons of trash " per week.
• Idiohack Ben Leventhal attempts to instruct restaurant patrons on "How to be a Regular." Unfortunately, his advice is a load of crap. Oh ha, "crap" ha! There’s a joke about trying to be "regular" somewhere in there! Probably. - Vanilla Ice
• Steve Lewis updates us on his feud with Todd English (wherein he "pulled an Abbe Diaz" (!) – his words). - Inkslinger
• Famke Janssen was spotted twice this week (because she’s a total stalker). First on Bleecker and 6th Ave (walking by the fountain) looking cute in trendy casual cargo shorts and a lovely jaunty fedora. Homegirl must be a bit of a klutz though, constantly bumping into low furnitures and whatnot, seeing as her (long! thin!) legs were looking a wee bit bruised and purply.
Our second encounter found her dining at MeKong with a diminutive female friend. Ms. Janssen didn’t seem to mind at all that the air conditioner above her head was dripping all over the table (which we had just abandoned prior, specifically for that reason). She also really loves her dog. He’s an adorable stout puggish slightly overweight nearly cross-eyed little thing, but Ms. Janssen reached down and scooped up all 15 or so pounds of him, and dined with him ensconced in her lap for the entire rest of her meal. Aww.
And if that scarf and handbag she was rockin are really actually from a street vendor like they purport, well— go on with yer bad self, Famke.
You look fabulous!
• Idiohack Ben Leventhal (characteristically) swings joyously from Keith McNally’s testicles as he announces the news McNally will team with Nate Appleman on their new soon-to-open pizzeria project. - Dick Johnson
• Our intrepid heroine takes on (Idiohack Wonder Twins) Joshua David Stein and Josh Ozersky — where else? — in the comment section of New York Magazine’s GrubStreet. A Must Read! You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, it’s better than Moby Dick. - Dick Johnson
• Anna Wintour offspring, Bee Shaffer with dad, David Shaffer — spotted walking into "the phone store" on 6th Ave (where everrrrybody fabulous buys/services their cellular phones) to inquire about — what else? — new cellular phones.
Oh, WHICH "phone store" you ask?
Well, if you have to ask, you must not be fabulous? In which case, Mike the phone store owner responds, "Puhleese. I have enough [overbearing, annoying, demanding, rich luddite moron] customers on my hands. Thanks, but no thanks." Evidently, Mike pays mucho moola in rent for his tiny store in its swanky location. He doesn’t mind the trickle — a flood he definitely doesn’t need. If you require his services, you’ll find him.
• Blogger Choire Sicha breaks the news about (his former boyfriend) Frank Bruni’s replacement at The New York Times. Aww….(?).
Heh, jerkfaced Gawker commentators who typically swing from Sicha’s testicles (since he used to blog for Gawker) didn’t even know Choire Sicha once dated Frank Bruni! Because, despite all their pretensions, a lot of Gawker commentators are just ignorant fucking idiots. - Vanilla Ice
• Adam Platt files his review of Graydon Carter’s Monkey Bar.
"… ‘I’m not supposed to say,’ the waiter whispered, before explaining, with a conspiratorial grin, that the front-room staff at Mr. Carter’s restaurant had been asked to sign confidentiality agreements when taking their jobs…."
Thanks a lot, Abbe. I guess other aspiring waiter cum memoirists are just shit outta luck, huh? - Vanilla Ice
But you probably aready knew that from experience, right? Well, here’s even more confirmation.
Recently, former nightlife impresario Steve Lewis blogged about one of his many friends and acquaintances (as is his wont). Normally, his work is of the ‘take with a grain of salt’ nature – most preposterous and controvertible to those in and around the nightlife industry (comprehensibly), and most credible and tenable to – well, everyone else, I suppose (perceivably).
GoldBar’s Jon Lennon was the subject of the day on July 15, 2009. Steve Lewis’s article starts, "Nightclub 101: the door is everything." LOL! Yea, as you can well imagine, it only goes downhill from there.
The column proceeds with Lewis’s typical flotsam and bullshit jetsam, most notably in the precise words "consummate pro" to describe Doorman Lennon. It culminates with these sentiments, expressed by Lennon himself in a Q&A interview:
SL: Tell me how you educate a person.
JL: I just have a brief conversation with them. I even have taken people to the side to do it, where I say, I know you’re a nice guy, your girlfriend is very beautiful, your two friends I can’t do….
SL: You wake up in the morning and you’re doing the door, and you’re thinking…
JL: Always. That’s my personality anyway, thinking about it. I try to remember, “you’re a doorman, as much as you’re in a powerful position, you’re still just a doorman, you’re everyone’s equal.” It never gets to my head because I’d rather be a rock star…
From what I gather, this is where a certain reader (we happen to know) lost her shit. She addresses Steve Lewis via Facebook, stating:
[Abbe Diaz at 5:42pm July 15]
um, excuse me? "consummate pro"– OH RILLY.
sorry, i would never ever ever ever in a million years define telling a prospective patron [at 10PM]: "well, if he owns seven restaurants in manhattan then he can afford to take care of ME. is he asking ME for a favor? then he needs to take care of ME."
(and yes that’s a DIRECT QUOTE)
as the act of a "consummate pro."
The rest of the exchange, including Lennon’s (pedestrian and idiotic) response is here.
Yeah yeah, OK. A doorman is a stupid idiot. It’s because you couldn’t get in, right? Loser! What’s your point, Vanilla Ice? I’ve got the Media holding on Line 1, and they want to know where’s the newsflash already.
Hey, did you read the title? My point is Jon Lennon is a Tool Box. I just wanted to brag again about how brilliant I am (I’m also the "Trollai Llama" in case you didn’t know) and point out how absurdly, hilariously (and contemptibly) it all played out [scroll down the comments, starting with abbe diaz's on July 29, 2009 4:54PM].
L O fucking L. God bless teh internets.
OMG the hipsters are taking over. ugh. gagh. blergh. BLECCCH.
last night was dinner at one of my favoritest places. and can you fucking believe it– one of my most UNfavoritest creepfaces on the planet was there. what the fuck. shouldn’t he be on a stoop or a rooftop or in some internet cafe or some shit in brooklyn somewheres? i mean– SURELY the west village is too bourgeois for him, no? GO AWAY JERKHEAD.
yah so
there i am trying to enjoy my dinner at my regular weekly haunt when, lo and behold, who should come and plop his dorky ass at the table right behind me. gabriel "dweebface" snyder. nice sneakers, scrotumhead. whassa matter– Goodwill was out of Hush Puppies?
so right away (after i suppress the bile bubbling forth and ingurgitate my cud and overcome my gag reflex and roll my eyes into my head) i say to my date: "eew. that’s gabriel snyder." and then i explain who gabriel snyder is.
my date responds: "ohhhh… should i say something to him?" and starts to rise out of his seat.
but i stop him.
why?
because (aside from the fundamental axiom he shouldn’t fight my battles for me) gabriel-snyder just happens to be sitting with richard-johnson, paula-froelich, corynne-steindler, chris-wilson, tom-sykes, and a half dozen other gawd only knows who elses. in other words, ya know– i was suddenly overwhelmed by visions of an imperial shihtzu in a pool of piranhas, if you hear what i’m sayin.
some other time, gabriel-snyder.
BITE ME, BITCH.
** See also: The UPDATE on Gabriel Snyder**
= "personne extraordinaire"