PX This.

PX This presents THE F&F REVIEW

Hey, sorry we couldn’t make it to "Friends&Family," we were out of town/ had to work/ not invited. We’re really glad we finally managed to come by, though— it’s so nice to see you!
What’s that? You would still like us to take the time to fill out the F&F survey, because you’d love to take advantage of all our vast experience, knowledge, insight, and expertise as long as we’re already here? Because you invited 75 people to F&F, and afterward all you got was 41 "Congrats[es]!" 22 "Awesome[s]!" 3 "Ciao[s]!" and 9 "Best of lucks[s]!" ?
Of course, we’d be honored. Oh ha, yesss, we’ll be honest— brutally honest even, ha ha! After all, that’s what friends & family are for!
No no please, don’t send anything more, we’re stuffed, we can’t breathe, you’ll have to roll us out of here, ha ha ha… !

Colicchio & Sons

What was your first impression?
Hmm, would I like a table? Umm, no, the bar is fine for now, thanks.

Please rate the Bar:
Is it smaller than before (as Craftsteak)? Did they move it? I can’t seem to remember…
Anyway, it’s nice. Clean, very spacious. And professional.

Please rate the drinks/ cocktails/ wine:
The beer and wine list is very impressive in its abundance (daunting, almost). The cocktail list, by contrast, is brief and simple— mostly just classics here. Wow, I must have died and gone to… Vegas?

Please rate the Dining Room:
It’s big! Slightly cozier than before. The trees are new, right?

Please rate the BOH:
Get serious, it’s Craft. Even if I were to "rate" it, would anyone care what my opinion is?

How was the staff?
They’re very… well-trained? Yeah, let’s say that.

What did you eat?/ How was the food?
Octopus salad (bar menu) : Pretty good. Generally, I prefer baby octopus, but this one was decently tender for such an old creature. Nice twist on the classic italian octopus/potato dish. Tasty.
Squid salad (bar menu): Very cold. Comes off a little too "pre-made and refrigerated." Light and refreshing— but that’s probably also why I’m thinking, "Isn’t this more of a summer dish?" Plus, it’s way more garbanzo than squid. Maybe it should be called "Garbanzo bean salad… with some squid…" instead.
Pork belly pizzette (bar menu) : Waaay more mushroom than pork belly; maybe it should be called "Mushroom pizzette… with a little pork belly." That’s probably why it’s also a bit too dry— not enough delicious pork belly fat. Also, $16.00? Wow, for this little thing, that’s a bit expensive.
Would have loved more food but there’s not much else on the bar menu : And I didn’t want another pizzette.

What did you like?
The wood-burning open counter thing is kind of nice to look at.

What did you dislike?
Well, everything I disliked is probably due more to personal preferences and predilections, so perhaps I’ll just refrain.

What was your last impression?
Would I come to try a full dinner? Sorry, I don’t think so.

Would you come back?
For a drink if I’m in the area? Sure.

Thank you, and hope to see you soon!
Thank you and good night.

PX This presents THE F&F REVIEW

Hey, sorry we couldn’t make it to "Friends&Family," we were out of town/ had to work/ not invited. We’re really glad we finally managed to come by, though— it’s so nice to see you!
What’s that? You would still like us to take the time to fill out the F&F survey, because you’d love to take advantage of all our vast experience, knowledge, insight, and expertise as long as we’re already here? Because you invited 75 people to F&F, and afterward all you got was 41 "Congrats[es]!" 22 "Awesome[s]!" 3 "Ciao[s]!" and 9 "Best of lucks[s]!" ?
Of course, we’d be honored. Oh ha, yesss, we’ll be honest— brutally honest even, ha ha! After all, that’s what friends & family are for!
No no please, don’t send anything more, we’re stuffed, we can’t breathe, you’ll have to roll us out of here, ha ha ha… !

Tanuki Tavern

What was your first impression?
Vast improvement over Ono, that’s for sure.

Please rate the Bar:
Spacious, warm, inviting (except for the bar stools, which look like they’re made strictly for tiny Japanese asses). And a flatscreen, no less.

Please rate the drinks/ cocktails/ wine:
Great sake and beer list; good price points, too. The wine list is a little pedestrian (typically hotel-esque) but not terribly, especially for a Japanese restaurant. The cocktails list looks somewhat nauseating, but that’s probably only because I don’t generally go for syrupy sweet drinks. Again, for a Japanese joint, though— fine.

Please rate the Dining Room:
Cute, comfortable. Maybe a little "corporate" (the faux-candle "chandeliers" are a laugh riot) but nice enough. Again, sure beats Ono (which always made you feel like, "Oh no. I am not going there").

Please rate the BOH:
A little gimmicky. But that’s probably just the "corporate" coming out again. Overall, I’d say: OK.

How was the staff?
The bartenders were great— enthusiastic, amiable, conscientious and considerate. I would go so far as to say they "made" the entire experience. Granted, I opted for a bottle of sake, so I can’t judge their mixology skills, but in terms of service: an A. The host at the desk gets a C- or maybe a D; he couldn’t even be bothered to get out of his chair. Later, a maitre d’/manager type arrived, and he had it a little bit better together. He greeted us and asked if all was well, and he recognized immediately upon his arrival what needed to be done to make the ambience better.

What did you eat?/ How was the food?
Shisito peppers (bar menu) : Disappointing. Mainly because they’re flame-grilled (?) and not sauteed. The charred bits aren’t that appealing, and the flavor and presentation suffers for it. That’s what I mean by "gimmicky." Does everything on the menu get either flame-grilled or deep-fried? Is that their "thing" around here? Kind of silly if you ask me.
Deep-fried bok choy (bar menu): Odd. Doesn’t quite live up to the bartender’s eager sales pitch, but then again, I’m not quite sure what I was expecting. Tastes like dried seaweed. But blander.
Mushroom tempura (bar menu) : Not bad. Like all tempura, though— eat it as fast as possible.
Chicken wings (bar menu): Pretty good. Satisfactory.

What did you like?
The bartenders’ demeanors.

What did you dislike?
To a shisito pepper lover like me, theirs was something of a travesty.

What was your last impression?
Would I come to try a full dinner? Probably not.

Would you come back?
For a drink and light nibble, sure. Good location.

Thank you, and hope to see you soon!
Thank you and good night.

Despite some vague reports to the contrary, PX This has learned that the latest incarnation of "The Room Formerly Known as Boom Boom" on the 18th floor of The Standard Hotel will (as of tomorrow) officially be named The Bon Bon, and will begin admitting "the general public" from 4PM to 9PM for Supper (an extended version of their current Preview menu). The room will then be "cleared out" from 9 to 9:30PM, and (its current policy of) "exclusive" admittance will begin from 10PM onward.
BOOM.

Bon Bon Apetit!

PX This presents THE F&F REVIEW

Hey, sorry we couldn’t make it to "Friends&Family," we were out of town/ had to work/ not invited. We’re really glad we finally managed to come by, though— it’s so nice to see you!
What’s that? You would still like us to take the time to fill out the F&F survey, because you’d love to take advantage of all our vast experience, knowledge, insight, and expertise as long as we’re already here? Because you invited 75 people to F&F, and afterward all you got was 41 "Congrats[es]!" 22 "Awesome[s]!" 3 "Ciao[s]!" and 9 "Best of lucks[s]!" ?
Of course, we’d be honored. Oh ha, yesss, we’ll be honest— brutally honest even, ha ha! After all, that’s what friends & family are for!
No no please, don’t send anything more, we’re stuffed, we can’t breathe, you’ll have to roll us out of here, ha ha ha… !

Abe & Arthur’s

What was your first impression?
wow, this was Lotus? holy cow it sure looks like they spent a lot of money in here tearing everything down and rebuilding it. geezus

Please rate the Bar:
the bartenders were a bit inattentive and maybe just a tad surly, until GM adam-landsman came by to greet (and introduce) us and then they were perfectly friendly.
cleanliness was good and love the "full dinner" service. boisterous but comfortable, spacious, good scene.
personally, getting a little tired of the played out buttoned downed brasserie boys’ club bar look/trend, but i guess i can get over it.
also: backless bar stools make me nutso, but hey maybe that’s just me.

Please rate the drinks/ cocktails/ wine:
wasn’t that crazy about the selections of wine by the glass but was grateful for the offer of a taste of our two (white) choices, especially since it seemed to me one of the bottles had "turned" (or maybe it was just really crappy wine, i’m not sure).
sorry, didn’t try any cocktails, but the list looked okay. i mean, personally i would never put triple sec in a margarita (especially a "specialty" one) but who knows? maybe some people actually like the taste of st.josephs aspirin the fuck i know.
the wine by the bottle list is pretty good, but just a tad late 80’s in its philosophy if you hear what i’m sayin.

Please rate the Dining Room:
it’s nice! high ceiling, good lighting, the tables all make sense.
the music, however, is a bit odd in both selection and volume and is sorta messing with the "energy." which is kinda weird for a couple of "club guys" (in a space that used to be a club and should be auditorially well-equipped), no? i would think the music would be the one thing they’d get right with their eyes closed and hands tied behind their backs? (oh but then again i have noticed the music sucks in most clubs lately which is why i’ve pretty much stopped going to any of them so maybe that’s what it is.)

Please rate the BOH:
impressive! in my entire dining lifetime, i have only sent dishes back to the kitchen three times EVER, even if i totally despise them. unfortunately in this case, the sliders were a wee raw inside, so i had no choice. the waiter was very sweetly apologetic and did not at all hesitate about removing the plate, which decidedly implies the BOH has never intimidated him with unwarranted censure and/or self serving psychotic irrational policies.
the waiter was sooo nice about it, as a matter of fact, it gave us the confidence to also return the meatballs which were simply not our tastes (umm is that ketchup in the sauce? it’s oddly sweet), and still his professionally courteous demeanor did not wane. and the new replacement dishes arrived rather quickly and beautifully.
oh— was Chef checking our names with the front desk just as i caught him scanning our table (right after we returned our dishes)? ha ahaaha what a smart cookie. i hope our level of PXness lived up to the scrutiny and he wasn’t sorely disappointed :(

How was the staff?
overall, pretty great. i already mentioned the waiter and bartenders, but the front desk was probably most impressive of all. i mean, i’m assuming there’s an army of hostesses up front because some are still in training mode, but the maitre d’ (head hostess?) was AOK. the front desk is usually where i’m the least tolerant and/or most critical, and i would say she did everything absolutely right.
the runners and bussers were good and professional, and the floor manager (i only remember seeing one?) seemed quite attentive.

What did you eat?/ How was the food?
crab cake: very good. but uhh is that red sauce "red hot" hot sauce? i mean ya know— personally i like tabasco. just sayin.
bibb lettuce salad: very nice.
meatballs: yah. that sauce. hmm. mm eh.
sliders: good. but yah i can see how the temperature can be problematic with those teeny tiny patties. 30 seconds too soon, raw. 30 seconds too much, well-done. what a pain in the ass. oh but
why make such a production with the recipe for the sauce? after all that descriptive hullabaloo, it kinda just tasted bland actually.
strip steak: loved the horseradish sauce. nice job on the temperature (medium rare) but juuust a little tougher than i’d like. i’d gladly pay more for a ribeye (or like a porterhouse) if it were offered to me. just sayin.
mussels: plump, juicy, tender! love the spiciness and flavor of the broth, but that layer of oil floating up top is just a bit over the top. neat hotpot, smart design.
creamed spinach: wow. delicious. soooo rich, but i guess peoples shouldn’t be ordering creamed spinach if they’re worried about cream or butter or fat anyways.
chocolate cake: a tad dry and a little hard (despite the lava-ish center), making its brick-like shape too easy a joke. brick, get it? but the ice cream was good.

What did you like?
the room. the table we got. the front desk. the creamed spinach. the waiter. the bathrooms.

What did you dislike?
the (by the glass) wine options. the sauce on the meatballs.

What was your last impression?
this place must be crazy on the weekends. ooh look, harvey-keitel!

Would you come back?
not on a weekend but otherwise, i think so. it’s great for entertaining or a special event, but probably not so much as a local "hang" for me.

Thank you, and hope to see you soon!
no no no thank YOU :)

The Standard Grill, Abe & Arthur’s, Gansevoort 69

• The Standard Grill •

Much has improved over the weeks at "the standard," but probably not your chances of getting a dinner table during prime time (especially now that an autumnal chill is descending upon us, and the outdoor cafe/patio is no longer an agreeable availability). However, breakfast, lunch and brunch are now being offered as a gratifying alternative to your usual jaunt to Pastis.
Steak is your best bet, with the roast chicken at a close second. "Ranch burger" is a little dry (even at medium rare), but the fries are excellent (and "a Keith McNally favorite.")
A side of sugar snap peas surprisingly gets the win over appealingly offered but much too salty brussel sprouts. Potato and corn pancakes seem like a good idea but end up falling short.

Stop being such a self-important, pretentious snob and just take those seats at the open kitchen being offered to you. You’ll enjoy the show and have the advantage of being perched above all others for the greatest vantage point of the room. So what if you have to swivel sideways every now and again and occasionally have to shout over the clattering din (and the chef/expeditor).

Who do you think you are, anyway? Russell Crowe?

• Abe & Arthur’s •

Don’t believe the hype; the room is nice and all, but the square footage doesn’t quite live up to these fish-eyed lenses colored pencils. It’s a fair enough rendition, however— much in the same way "the general" isn’t exactly seven inches. And make no mistake; you’ll find no vestiges of the exotic/romantic Lotus here— this baby is "billionaire boy’s club" all day every day.
No wonder the menu is trite and uninspired and doesn’t apologize for it, either. But hey, the french fries are pretty good.

Judging from the caliber of the inaugural clientele, the food isn’t the point anyway, Miss Scarlet. So grab a party bus full of the good ole boys and head on down here with a smattering of strippers gorgeous gal pals to gnaw on some bloody meat. Save some room on that Centurion Card for a bottle or ten at basement nightclub Simyone after dinner. Tell them Lyor Cohen sent you.

• Gansevoort 69 •

Oh, hallowed Florent, where art thou?

Don’t get too nostalgic though; this is a pretty good effort with a decent denouement. Sure, you have more little piggies on your left foot than they have entrees on the menu, but what do you care what you’re eating? You’re in the Meatpacking District for fuck’s sake.

Go with the Fish & Chips; they’re actually pretty good. The french fries are awesome and the deep fried caper berries are a great unexpected touch. The bacon-wrapped meatloaf, on the other hand, is over the top enough to leave you looking for your Lipitor. The payoff doesn’t quite measure up to the risk.

The bartender is an affable chap, as are those two teeeeeny tiny itsy bitsy matching blonde bookend waitresses. Trust me, though— skip the wine list options and go straight for the hard stuff.

The Boom Boom Room
(or whatever it’s called) at The Standard Hotel

yah so by now you’ve heard so much about the BoomBoom, you probably feel like you’ve already been there, yes?
slow down, skippy. it’s worth a real live flesh and blood visit anyways. that shit is hott.

sigh. if you can get in.

but fear not, bitches. it’s actually not as hard as everybody makes it out to be. not for YOU, anyways. cuz gawd knows you wouldn’t even be here reading this right now if you weren’t fabulous, am i right?

don’t get me wrong, it CAN be a bit of a chore if you don’t have the skinny, of course. so here’s the 411 google.

it aint open at 4PM, 6PM, or even 8PM. anymore. (for now.)
apparently it opens at 9PM. you’re welcome.
cuz fer sure you were not about to get that information by asking anybody working inside the hotel or the restaurants. holy oh my shit— they are so fucking cryptic about it (ugh bloggers ruin everything!), it’s like fucking fort knox up in that mutherfukker. nobody knows what the hells is going on. or at least they don’t want to tell you what the hells is going on. even the really nice doorman who goes and asks three different peoples on your behalf what the hells is going on will only come back to tell you he doesn’t know whether or not anybody knows what the hells is going on.

and when somebody finally offers up the morsel of information "if the red light is on, it’s open"— that’s a lie.

and to top it all off, no joke— the DOZEN OR SO peoples employed at theStandard you’re very well acquainted with personally— all have the fucking night off.
GAAUGH.

but it’s okay it’s all good.

cuz when you eventually figure out IT OPENS AT 9PM, you will subsequently suddenly find people at the side entrance who are more than happy to accommodate you, and your ass will breeze right through like it was never a damned problem in the first place.

ha ha ahaa umm if you "belong" that is?
siiiigh what can i tell you. if you are even bothering to wonder right now whether or not you "belong" then maybe save yourself the hassle and stay yer ass at home.

oh but here’s a little bit of a tip for you (even if you do "belong"):

see, supposedly even agyness-deyn was turned away last week. now—
if you’ve ever seen agyness-deyn runnin round town as is her wont, then you know homegirl dresses like a typical brooklyn broke assed homeless hipster street urchin.
well, sorry bitches. supermodel or no supermodel, BoomBoomRoom clearly aint feelin your st.mark’s place fedora. they don’t think your canvas converse are cute OR ironic.

all you have to do is take one look at the room to know this. every man who works there is wearing a tie. yah even kamil-parchomienko— and i would bet cash money he never even OWNED a necktie before the BoomBoomRoom opened.
so ya know. if you really wanna go, work it out.

oh and by the way. contrary to popular belief, "knowing" kamil-parchomienko aint gonna help you get in AT ALL. cuz you can’t get that boy on the horn for anything, i don’t care how many times he’s called you "baybee."
once you get inside though, oh! it’s so so nice to see him.

and everybody else too. seriously, that crowd is fierce.

anyhoo. i left right when it started to get really boisterous around 11:30PM, but i still got to see owen-wilson sitting at the bar. (okay fine— HE can dress like shit if he wants to. but he’s owen-wilson and you’re not.)

**check the latest UPDATE on the BoomBoom/BonBon.**

yah so. everybody’s been buzzing bout theBoomBoom! and evidently, pxthis was no exception (it also seems we were the ones who got the information correctly the quickest, but hey what else is new).

then apparently yesterday, our ole buddy steve-lewis (and then grubstreet) broke the news "Kamil Parchomienko will handle the room…" !!

wow! and yay!

those of us who know and love and/or remember former original subMercer GM/Maitre d’ kamil-parchomienko (also of MercerKitchen, SunsetBeach, StandardMiami, and StandardLA) are of course totally delighted that kamil, the prodigal son, has returned to NYC after a loooong time away. hooray!
oh but i kinda feel a little bad for him though, cuz i don’t know whether or not kamil will appreciate his name being alls out there right before he is about to open the hottest spot in town. i mean like for example,
we alls know the WaverlyInn’s emil-varda has a fake name (and business cards). i also know two of my pals who run LaEsquina refrain as best they can from giving out their names too. and for sure, back in the day, i rarely ever gave peoples my real name either.
not that "the press" ever gave a shit who the GM or Maiterdees were before, so that’s a new one, but whatever.
but i digress.

anyhoo. steve-lewis goes on to describe "They want to do two seatings, 4–9 for small plates and 10–2/3 for late night. Super high-end Rainbow Room/Rose Bar/Windows on the World style $18–25 drinks and DP by the glass…"

wow again! and uhhh… kinda… THANK GAWD (?!)
i don’t know about you, but i’m a little sick of places that only cater to young unkempt insomniac kids whose trust funds haven’t quite kicked in yet. not that i ever went to any of those places (mostly cuz ha ahaa i couldn’t get in), but i just think it’s really really great somebody is finally thinking of us "olds" (ya know— the ones with TASTE) and giving us a place we can go and have fun before one o’clock in the fucking morning.

oh! yah— and since you were wondering
the answer is YES! that’s the kamil you’re thinking of. of course it is! who else would it be.
he’s also one half the character "michael" in the series (the other half is current BlueHill@StoneBarns GM, philippe-gouze) and if all goes well, he’ll be played by actor (and former clubUSA bartender) darren-kendrick.

hmmm how many is that now? ha ha ha ahaa haaah i’ll give a crisp new benjamin to the first person who can correctly identify every person in the book who now works at theStandard.

A Financier, an Operator, and a Blogger walk into a bar…

… order some drinks, get a little tipsy, and start — what else?—- gossiping like a bunch of sewing bee bitches. Here’s the transcript of the part of their discussion about Abe&Arthur/Simyone.

Blogger: Oh! ….And Abe&Arthur will be opening soon I guess.

Operator: Is that that new little place on Waverly?

B: No, that’s Joseph Leonard. Abe&Arthur is the place that used to be Lotus… the restaurant part is Abe&Arthur apparently, and then downstairs will be a club slash lounge type thing called Simyone… ya know, like Bijoux with the party brunch and whatever the upstairs was called.

O: Yah exactly, we don’t even remember the name… Who the hell wants to eat in a nightclub? That didn’t even work for Lotus and the food wasn’t even that bad.

B: People used to eat at Spy.

O: Get outta here, Spy had food? I don’t remember any food.

B: Sure… lobster club, fruit and cheese plate, caviar…

O: Ugh christ.

Financier: People might eat in the restaurant just to go to the nightclub afterward… that’s convenient.

O: Pssh, not if it’s like Lotus. Lotus didn’t guarantee entry to the club afterward just because you had a dinner reservation. That would be a good way for them to go though, because otherwise why would anyone eat there? Too many other good restaurants in that area, so why settle for one place for hours on end? That’s what people like about the meatpacking district… all the bar-hopping…

B: But doesn’t that kill the "exclusivity" thing? Otherwise it’s what— BuddhaBar with dancing?

O: Oh c’mon, in a place that size, how are they ever going to make any money trying to be "exclusive"? They can get the Tenjune crowd, but then what, kill Tenjune? There’s no way they can keep a "hot" crowd in both. But maybe that’s the plan anyway. Now that they milked Tenjune for what it was worth…

B: They can offer it up to the B&T gods? That makes sense.

O: The moneymaker. Does Tenjune charge a cover? They can probably start…. and from what I heard that’s what they probably should do if they going to try to keep the new one exclusive. I heard those guys are in deep with their own personal cash. And they might be cash poor. I know someone who was interviewing for a position… they just lowballed him all day long… it’s like The Inn [at Little West 12th] all over again… We all know how that turned out….

B: I did hear something like that. The way it was told to me is that supposedly they invested a lot of their own money right before the market crash… like "putting a deposit on a pre-construction condo… now that the banks aren’t lending, people either have to come up with the rest of the money some other way, or walk away and take the loss of the deposit… supposedly, this is the boat that those guys are in— they just can’t walk away from the cash already in, so they have no choice but to forge ahead."

F: Banks were never lending to nightclubs, anyway. I’ve never seen a good business plan from one, and that’s all I do all day is look at these things. All that money was coming from guys that may have been in banking but were fronting their own money… I even thought of doing it once…

B: I remember. But you wanted to own the property… I could be wrong, but most of these places are leased, aren’t they?

O: They’re all leased.

F: I know guys that have put their money in clubs. No one ever saw a dime back, but that wasn’t the point anyway.

B: Haa, oh god, I always thought that was a myth.

F: If these guys are dropping a couple grand a weekend anyway, what do you think 50 G’s means to them? It’s all the hype of "ownership" and drinks and the girls…

O: Yeah, you get 10 or 20 of those suckers… no offense…

B: Yeah, but then what about all the celebrities? It’s not like they have problems with drinks and girls…

F: Those are just names. Like, their name is worth money…

B: The place looks nice though… there were renderings all over the internet…

O: Ugh, why do people release their renderings? The actual place never matches the renderings. The renderings are sales pitches by the architects, and the budgets never meet the demands… Then they just look like they’re fronting…

B: Maybe they’re fronting then. Isn’t that the point? If they want to build hype and anticipation…?

B: Oh, what’s the deal with Remm and Tepperberg anyway? I heard they straight up kicked him out of Tao in Vegas halfway through his meal….

O: Remm was never one for making friends…

B: If he didn’t think you’re worth it to him…?

O: … But he shouldn’t be trying to make enemies either…

B: No, he’s got the right idea. I thought I heard he was going around saying he needed a starlet girlfriend, to make himself "next level." Oh! Wait, he did date Shannen Doherty, right?

O: He wants to be Richie Akiva more than anyone else in the world… but the food even sucked at Butter.

B: They do kind of look alike, don’t you think?

O: Shannen Doherty is no Carmen Kass…

B: You know I saw Eugene Remm dive under a banquette to rescue his [former] boss’s lipstick once. There were all these other bartenders and managers around, but Eugene Remm was the only chivalrous one….

O: He was the only one who could fit under the banquette without stooping over?

B: Aww… that’s mean…

F: No good deed goes unpunished…