the shit i go through – #001
"see this retarded shit i have to go through? going places i don’t want and being forced to meet peoples just to prove i am real…" – abbe diaz, PX This, page 216.
MONDAY, APRIL 19, 2010. yah so here is today’s shit. beefin with kevin-smith’s fanatics ha ha haa ahaa i am not even kidding. looong story, don’t even get me started. but if you did read (or intend to read) PX This, it goes a little something like umm piglets —> ben-affleck —> kevin-smith —> beefin with fanatics. don’t worry, it’s covered more fully in PX This Too (coming soon in the summer of 2010!) and believe it or not, if you have no idea what i’m talking about right now, it’s not nearly all as mumbly jumbly in the end as it sounds. i think.
anyways if you’re bored and you need a giggle, here is an example of some of the shit i go through:
(click here) —> http://viewaskew.com/theboard/viewtopic.php?p=4310778#4310778
i’m just sayin. bitches
:)
PX This – The Revised Edition – FREE E-BOOK HERE
abbe diaz says:
Oh rilly, Sietsema? Well, I’m kinda irked by you both.
I’m no fan of A.A.Gill; lots of people more au courant than you already know this. And I don’t generally make of habit of reading you or other writers of your "genre"– (so, no offense) primarily because you’re all kinda a little full of it. (But that’s okay, cuz I’m pretty sure yalls don’t "read" me either, yah?)
I guess what I’m wondering is why you’re so many days late and quite a few dollars short. Cuz I mean like, for example, even I personally covered this angle eons ago. It just seems rather odd to me that when Graydon Carter hired A.A.Gill for his notorious "takedown" of Jean-Georges’s 66 six years ago, nobody really gave a shit (except maybe The Observer). And let’s bear in mind— that multimillion dollar restaurant no longer exists. (Coincidence? Perhaps. But certainly Vanity Fair didn’t help matters much, did it?)
So, is your article supposed to inspire me to indignation now? Sorry, to me it just comes off as kinda a little laughable. And irksome. Oh right, I already mentioned that.
I’m just sayin. (This is the "comment section," right?)
P.S. PX This – The Revised Edition and PX This, Too. ** Coming soon in the Spring of 2010!** Bitches.
*See also (earlier):
• "i’m going in…"
Dick Johnson: Knock knock.
abbe diaz: just get on with it.
DJ: LOL. Sorry! Just trying to lighten the mood… OK, so you saw the Crain’s article?
ad: yah
DJ: What, no rampage in the Crain’s comments section from "Crazypants"? Your fan club must be so disappointed.
ad: what is there to "rampage" about? did you read the article? i thought it was good. it’s nice to see a bit of true, impartial news for a change. there’s nothing for me to refute.
DJ: Eater dotcom commenters are calling for your rebuttal. Or at least, one comment says it’s "surprised" you haven’t denied it on PX This.
ad: yah, i saw it. whatever. i only deny what ISN’T TRUE, duh.
DJ: So, you’re not going to comment? Enquiring minds want to know…
ad: want to know what? nobody asked me any questions.
DJ: OK, fine. I’m asking you.
ad: and i really appreciate that, thanks. but i still don’t see a question.
DJ: What’s going on with Mangia 57th and Centro Vinoteca’s filing for Chapter 11?
ad: is that what i’m supposed to comment on? i’m not their publicist you know. and i have neither the inclination nor the authority to discuss their business with anyone.
are you asking me my personal opinion? because that’s a different story.
DJ: But, by your own admission, you do consult with them occasionally. Word on the internet is you get "highly paid" to do so, right?
ad: Mangia and Centro, obviously, as a company, have plenty of attorneys and advisors. my advice wasn’t sought on this matter, but if it had been, i would have said i wholeheartedly agree with their latest course of action. hypothetically speaking.
DJ: Yes! Let’s play "Hypothetically Speaking"! This should be fun.
ad: loads.
DJ: Hypothetically Speaking: Restaurant Enterprise-101
ad: probably more like RestaurantEnterprise:410, but whatever.
DJ: Hypothetically speaking, what are your thoughts on a company like Mangia57th filing Chapter 11?
ad: ooh. really? what a nice question! hmm, well let’s see—
first of all, let’s assume it’s a company juuust like Mangia57. well, according to the Crain’s article, it would "[owe] creditors less than $10 million."
okay, well let’s say— if i were simply an objective observer and not just some dumb idiot creepface looking to gleefully tapdance on somebody’s grave, i would say that seems like an awful little amount to file over. under $10M total? (i actually very much like how the Crain’s article almost seems to be scratching its head over this one, as well.)
i mean, i would think this would be relatively easy to confirm, but i would assume a company like Mangia takes in about $1M per WEEK.
also— a debt of $335,000 to the landlord and (a disputable) $260,000 to the state? that’s less than $600,000.
i mean… for example, i know of another company juuust like Mangia, and last year their BANK FEES ALONE were about $600,000.
which! brings me to another point.
hey did you see how some of the banks have been rahrah’ing lately because they’re apparently about to pay back billions of dollars in bailout money collected from unsuspecting taxpayers? isn’t it amazing how they were able to raise all that profit so quickly?
oh wait— maybe not so amazing? cuz peoples all over the country are complaining about how their fees have skyrocketed and how the banks do creepy things like intentionally approve all your debit purchases and withdraw monthly fees at random intervals so that when you happen to spend over your available balance because you had no cash on you but you bought a pack of gum at the deli, now suddenly that gum costs you $35 in overdraft fees?
and dumbass that you are, you also went to Kinko’s for your boss and charged another $3.00 on your debit card for copies (expecting to be reimbursed), but now the transaction for those copies have just cost you ANOTHER $35 overdraft fee? so now you just spent $70 on $3 worth of copies and a pack of gum?
now— if last year those banks made that kind of money off the average broke-assed citizen, what exactly do you think is happening to big companies like Mangia?
i mean, imagine instead of say your monthly $15 checking fee they automatically debited (which you thought you still had in your account and that’s why you bought the pack of gum at the deli and charged the copies at Kinko’s in the first place)— that monthly fee was ohhh like $40,000.00?
do you see how that could occasionally be kinda problematic?
now let’s say you went to the bank and you waited on line and you finally got to sit and talk to one of those peoples in the little desk cubicle thingies—
and you said, "hey banker dude. i’ve been your banking customer for dozens of years now and we’ve never had a problem like this before. why do i owe you $70 for a pack of gum and $3 worth of copies from Kinko’s? if you hadn’t taken out that $15 monthly fee… what’s that? it’s $25 now? that’s outrageous!… well you didn’t tell me the price went up and that it would be withdrawn so randomly… how do you expect me to pay an additional $80 in fees for a pack of gum and Kinko’s copies?"
and the bank dude replied, "yesssss, thank you so much for your patronage over the years. suck it. we have bailout funds to pay back cuz president-obama won’t let us get our multimillion dollar bonuses."
hmm.
i don’t know bout you, but if i had another option (and lots of attorneys and advisors!), i’d be damned if i’m paying that $80. i’m just sayin.
that was fun! next question?
DJ: LOL. I’m glad you asked, because I do have another question. What about Centro Vinoteca filing Chapter 11? Oh sorry, I mean HYPOTHETICALLY, what about a company LIKE Centro Vinoteca filing Chapter 11?
ad: wow. another great question!
well, HYPOTHETICALLY, let me ask you this. how does one prove, exactly, you know something?
DJ: Beg pardon? You’re not making sense.
ad: yah exactly, thank you.
okay
how about— let’s just say… i lost… an umbrella, for example. and then i said to you, "hey dick-johnson. where’s my umbrella?"
and you reply, "i don’t know." and i say, "yes you do." and you say, "no, i don’t." and i rebut, "but i told you where i left it." and you retort, "no you didn’t, are you smoking crack or something?" and i respond, "yes i told you where it was." and you insist, "no, you did not." and i dispute, "yes i did. well, at least, i told willie-wang where i put the umbrella and i’m sure he told you." and you assert, "willie-wang didn’t tell me shit. i don’t know where your stupid umbrella is."
and so i tell you, "well, i’m sure i told willie-wang to tell you where the umbrella is and now i can’t find it, so now you have to buy me a new umbrella."
and you answer, "what? i never knew where your jackassed umbrella was. i never saw it, i never touched it, you never told me where you put it, and willie-wang never said anything to me about it. period end of story."
and i say, "well, i don’t care what you say, you’re still buying me a new umbrella."
so you ask, "i had nothing to do with you losing your umbrella. why should i buy you a new umbrella?"
and i respond: "cuz it was a really really fancy expensive umbrella and YOU are the only one who can afford it."
i wonder— would you buy me a new umbrella or would you tell me to go fuck myself?
DJ: Oh, I would definitely tell you to go fuck yourself.
ad: i thought so. next question?
DJ: So, are you saying Leah Cohen didn’t leave Centro Vinoteca because of cashflow problems?
ad: as far as i know, she’s on her way to southeast asia and she’ll be traveling for nine months. does that sound like somebody who wasn’t making money to you? better yet, why don’t you just ask her.
DJ: Is the Gusto Ristorante townhouse for sale? Can I buy it?
ad: i think the only way to answer that question is to MAKE AN OFFER ALREADY. be sure to bring along a certified check.
DJ: OK, one last question. Can I blog about the you-know-what now? Seeing as the cat’s… kind of out of the bag and all?
ad: frankly my dear i don’t give a shit.
HEY I DID TRY TO POST THIS RESPONSE AS A COMMENT DIRECTLY AT EATER BUT THEY HAVE A "CHARACTER CUTOFF" AND AFTER TYPING ALL THIS GODDAMNED RIGMAROLE I DIDN’T WANT TO HAVE TO GO BACK AND SHAVE OFF 403 OF MY CHARACTERS. AND I HATE SENDING E-MAILS CUZ I CAN’T STAND BEING PARAPHRASED.
SIGH.
Aww, I’m flattered, thank you. Technically however, I am not the official spokesperson for Centro Vinoteca, nor am I directly employed within the company. But, as I do consult for them on occasion, I guess I’ll just go ahead and explain as best I can, with the stipulation that none of it is to be construed as an official statement by the company.
1) As for Leah Cohen quitting, this was actually not considered a "problem" as much as a consequence of doing business. People leave. It happens. A chef leaving a restaurant is as much a "problem" as paying the rent and the electric bill.
2) I did tell Centro’s “PR person” she could address Gusto’s "on the market" speculation “off the record only” with Eater, because it was not deemed an important enough issue to warrant the possibility of attracting more attention to the stupid matter. In the exact words told to me, "Who cares? Nobody gives a shit anyway."
Well. As best I know, neither 60 nor 62 Greenwich Ave is "on the market" for sale. I must admit the explanation of the "mortgage holder’s risk assessment to gauge interest, value, and anticipated turnover time" sounds kinda weird to me, but maybe only cuz I never heard of it before.
Alls I can think is: If you REALLY think those buildings are for sale, then go ahead and make an offer and see what happens. Who knows? If you can come up with a really impressive non-refundable deposit fast enough, maybe you CAN buy those buildings after all!
3) As for the "shuttering" of Centro Vinoteca: Well, we did address this ridiculousness once before, with Gusto Ristorante. Here at —> http://pxthis.invisionzone.com/index.php?showtopic=501
If you recall, Gusto was shut down by the DCA (for three days) for putting smoking tables out IN DECEMBER while the sidewalk permit was technically still in the PROCESS of being renewed, because apparently merely setting out TWO tables with TWO chairs (IN DECEMBER) constitutes "an intent to serve."
The DCA instructed Gusto it was NOT ALLOWED to post signage of any kind in explanation to the patrons.
BRILLIANT "punishment," no? No monetary fine imposed, just a slap on the wrist and a timeout to go sit in the corner wearing a dunce cap. Three days of lost sales tax income to the state of NY (not to mention lost income/income-taxes for the staff) and then some (seeing as patrons were not entitled to know when the restaurant would re-open). It’s PURE GENIUS I tell you.
As far as I PERSONALLY can surmise, Centro will re-open tomorrow.
4) As for an "experienced operator" (with no partners or other such investors) having such “problems”: yes, it does indeed get to be a handful for one person running multiple locations at such high volume. Which is why one might need to hire— say, an "expeditor" for example, to handle such bureaucratic tasks like permit renewals and whatnot.
Too bad sometimes some employees such as "expeditors" are fucking dumbasses. Yah, even when they’re paid, believe it or not.
Hope that’s some decent "intel" for you?
Thanks again!
:)
Oh P.S. — That’s actually pxthis.com rather than abbe-diaz.com, but whatever. Thanks anyway.
according to management, CasaLever is "still working out some kinks." it’s only their second week open so i guess that’s understandable enough. i think it’ll be quite fascinating to see however, exactly HOW they’re going to work out those kinks, cuz from where i was sitting, they have a whole lot to contend with.
i mean don’t get me wrong, you know i loves me some SantAmbroeus, but CasaLever isn’t quite the same (nor is it trying to be?).
anyways. sure i could go on and on and list each problematic issue one by one, but i won’t, cuz that kind of stuffs likely falls under "consultation" and ha ha ahaa believe it or not, it’s just not my job to tell you how to do yours.
but
seriously though, from one professional to another (yah, YOU– that’s reading this right now): it’s totally worth a trip for you to visit CasaLever as soon as possible— to see and experience all the things you probably shouldn’t do. and then perhaps visit again in a few months or so, simply as a great case study in how accurate is your erudite assessment, and how adept/astute your competition is.
luckily (?) there are a few really great staffers there at CasaLever. i hesitantly say "luckily" however, cuz—
sigh
really. really really truly. at this point, i am totally sick and disgusted to death by the pervasive phenomenon in this industry of underlings being more knowledgeable/proficient than their fucking authority figures. do some of you managers out there need to train UNDER your hostesses/waiters/runners/bussers? YES I THINK MAYBE YOU DO you stupid moronic cocksucking mutherfukkers. yes i get it, you’re super awesome at licking your boss’s anus or your daddy bought you your job or you flaunted your superfluous wharton degree in some dipshit headhunter’s face or whatever
but take your smug self-important uppity ass someplace else and get the fuck out of THIS industry for fuck’s sake already. yah i know, it’s not brain surgery and there are precious few jobs left where you can make enough money to actually reside in manhattan doing the work a trained chimp can feasibly execute, but please. you’re making the rest of us trained chimps look bad. even in your treasured custom tailored savile row suit. in short:
YOUR BLATANT INEPTITUDE IS PISSIN ME OFF.
oh whoops did i say all that out loud?
i meant to say: the misticanza salad with the poached egg and bacon "crisp prosciutto" was decent, as was the king-crab/sea-urchin crudo. the veal scallopine was eh and the "manila clams" pasta vongole was uhhh
different (especially since i’m pretty sure those clams were more like littleneck than manila).
enjoy!
yah so
afterward was a quick pop into MonkeyBar. it worked out great cuz after all the terrible things i’ve been hearing about MonkeyBar’s food, i so was not about to take an expedition to midtown to try and experience it for myself. but i love to see places with my own two eyes just so i can say i’ve been there, so it’s awesome that MonkeyBar is pretty much right around the corner butted up against CasaLever’s ass.
(and after CasaLever, i totally needed a drink anyhow.)
well. alls i can say is: fucking hell what a mess.
and i mean literally a mess my gawd CLEAN THAT SHIT UP can you? it doesn’t take much— just wipe the puddles and slop off the bar every once in awhile, throw away and replace the chewed up bevnaps, wipe down the bottles and face all the labels outward, get all that cluttery crap shit away from the goddamned terminal, and for heaven’s sake get rid of (or hide) those big ole ugly assed plastic waste bins.
geezus
oh FUCK did i just give away free "consultation" ??! gagh.
by the way— i didn’t spot no goddamned PXes, so what the hells is the point of even being here?!
i’m just sayin.
later, since we decided to stroll for a bit and look at the pretty buildings, we found ourselves in front of LeColonial.
awww remember LeColonial? how super duper hott it was, way back in the day? we couldn’t resist our nostalgia so we went in for another round.
and it still looks great.
it actually made me reconsider this thought that had popped into my brain in the midst of dinner at CasaLever ("ugh christ i would never ever ever open a restaurant in fucking midtown"). the fact that LeColonial has somehow maintained its warmth and charm after all these years was such an inspiration!
and the peoples on staff were very sweet, especially the bartender. i even managed to eat a whole plate of spring rolls even though i had absolutely no idea i was still hungry.
so hooray for LeColonial.
• Admit it, you couldn’t have cared less about Juliet, the new Todd English helmed restaurant/lounge reportedly opening someplace in Chelsea.
Well, it turns out your hosts are Mark Baker and Artan Gjoni. All of a sudden you care just a little bit now, don’t you?
• Speaking of Todd English— for fuck’s sake, enough already. But, since the inbox here at PX This clearly won’t get a reprieve until it’s addressed, we’ll go ahead and finally fucking address it—
Dear Todd,
Personally, we think you come off as a bit of a tool. Quite frankly, we are so utterly discerning, insightful and knowledgeable, that your culinary antics (and/or entire career) usually fall way below our reproachful radar. Thus, the entirety of our commentary can best summarily be expressed in the sagacious words of our founder (coincidentally, a striking Asian woman, in case you didn’t know):
"I bet that cures him of his Yellow Fever Malaria HA HA HA AHAH HAHAHAHAHAAA."
Best,
Pee Ex This Dot Com
• Yoo hoo, Foster Kamer! We "MENSA[sic] -level Vikings" are still waiting for you to come and show us how intellectually deficient we are. We’re quivering in our boots! Please, oh mighty blogger cum twice-fired reservationist cum semi-employed "journalist"— impart upon us all the wisdom your vast experience of a couple years of professional blogging and briefly working as a telephone answerer for Keith McNally has bestowed upon you. We await your brilliance and enlightenment with heaving bosom and bated breath!
• Uh oh. Are the producers of "The Real Houswives of New York" just a bunch of big backdoor bigots? Hmmm maybe?
Due to popular demand — OK, fine — my demands (why do I have to log in at The Forum and then log in again here? It’s annoying!), PX This has decided to open up The Blaaahhhg’s commenting system so as to not require registration. Hooray.
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Frankly, if you’re the type of commentator that gets your jollies by exhibiting what a stupid, racist, sexist (etc.), dimwitted asshole you are, be grateful if all you get is “deleted” and/or “banned.” More likely, you will incur the wrath of the “Trollai Llama,” who will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and fuuuuurious anger, making you wither and cry like the pathetic little bitch you are. And he’ll enjoy it, too.
And THEN you’ll be banned.
Thank you, and enjoy!
welcome to the "soft launch" of the new pxthis.com —
sometime over the next couple of days, the official http://pxthis.com URL will kick in and be directed to this new site. the current URL for The Forum @ PX This (http://pxthis.invisionzone.com) will remain in effect and will not change.
forthcoming updates may proceed slowly over the next several weeks, as everybody acclimates themselves to their new undertakings (people can be so unreliable when you only pay them in liquor). also: evidently, everyone has weddings and travels and other responsibilities and whatnot planned over the coming months so— you know how that is.
sorry, but your Forum logins will NOT be carried over to this new format, so if you wish to comment on any topics, it will require you re-register via the login module effective here, which is accessible within any entry. in an attempt to avoid "spam," your first comment will require "validation" by an administrator (which may take some time), after which your comments should appear immediately after they are posted.
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thank you so much for all your encouragement, enthusiasm, and support.
enough of this gobbledygook LET’S DANCE, BITCHES!
= "personne extraordinaire"